I have to go
by PJC
Summary: Sara testifies in a trial and is forced to leave Vegas. Cant write summaries, short GSR story. Better than it sounds, makes sense when you read, isn't like summary implies.
1. Initial Parting

_This _will _be a short story, honest, only about 2 maybe 3 chapters (one of these days I will manage a short story that doesn't hit the five chapter mark). Kind of inspired by the alternate ending I had in my head for 'Your tears are all the pain I'll ever need' but totally unrelated so doesn't matter if you haven't read that. I own nothing. _

* * *

Grissom appeared at the door to the locker room unnoticed by Sara as she took a deep breath and straightened her suit in the mirror.

"You don't have to do this Sara."

Sara looked up and noticed Grissom stood in the doorway, "Yes. I do."

Grissom nodded and walked into the locker room, sat down next to her and took her hand. Almost without thinking she leaned her head on his shoulder. "Grissom. I have to do this" she whispered "I'm sorry."

He looked at her seriously, he hooked a finger under her chin and lifted her head slightly so that she was looking at him, he held her gaze. "Sara, you have nothing to be sorry for. But nobody would think any less of you if you didn't do this. We can find the evidence, he will have left a trail somewhere, our job is to pick up the evidence they don't realise they've left behind. There's always something Sara, always."

She sighed and cast her eyes downwards but didn't pull away as he cupped her cheek.

"For once Grissom there isn't any evidence. This guy has killed 10 girls already, who knows how many more he'll rape and kill if we don't stop him. If I stayed silent because I was scared and then a month or two from now found myself processing the body of a girl he'd hurt ... I couldn't live with that Grissom." She looked back up into his eyes. "I need to do this."

Grissom nodded as what he had known all along finally sunk in. Sara was leaving and he couldn't even contact her. She had to put this guy away, she was the prosecutions main hope, she had processed half the cases and had seen him leaving a crime scene, and then recently she had seen him raping his next victim and stopped him before he could kill her. He knew she had to do something, she'd spoken to the girl afterwards, she'd been with her in hospital when she had died due to the drug he had given her, she couldn't not put him away.

But she didn't have to go away.

He inwardly sighed as he knew that wasn't an option, just because a leader was away didn't mean the gang would break and they'd hunt Sara down, they'd both seen Witness Protection fail but both had seen it work as well and protect people, and they'd seen hundreds of cases where the people hadn't run away and had been killed. Sara had to go away.

He looked up at her and realised just how much he'd miss her, just how much he needed her around everyday, just how much he loved her, just how much he wanted to kiss her before she went.

He met her gaze as she lifted it.

"I know" he finally whispered quietly. "I'll miss you" he took a final look in her eyes and seemed to reach a decision, slowly he lent down closer and closer to her.

He gently pressed his lips to hers but pulled away before either could deepen it.

"I'm sorry" he murmured his eyes downcast.

"Don't be" she told him honestly. "Meet with me after the trial? I've still got one night in Vegas."

Grissom looked up again and nodded. "Of course."

Sara nodded and stood up quickly, "Time to go, I'll call you when I get out." She told him as she hurried towards the door.

A few moments later Sara was sat in her car getting her breath back while Grissom was still sat on the locker room bench.

Simultaneously they lifted their hands up to their still tingling lips and touched them gently, mourning what would now never have the chance to be.


	2. Perfect Goodbye

_OK, think I've got this sorted should be 4 chapters long, hopefully._

_Thanks to all those who reviewed the last chapter, not together when this starts, although sounds like it in this chapter so just letting you know._

* * *

True to her word as soon as Sara was a safe distance away from the courthouse, where she could be sure no-one would hear her talking to Grissom and go after him she rang him.

She smiled when she heard his breif "Grissom" as answer, he probably hadn't even looked at who was calling.

"Hey" she whispered slightly. She could hear him sit upright in his seat as he registered the voice. She carried on, "You wanna meet up?"

"Sure. Where do you want?"

She paused to think for a second, "Are you at home?"

He nodded before he realised she couldn't hear him nod, "Yeah, night off, decided to actually stay off for once."

"Can I come around?"

"Sure." She smiled and snapped the phone shut, she'd always been curious about his house and now seemed a perfect time to see it. Besides she didn't dare go somewhere in the open with him after speaking to the people relocating her, and she didn't want to go back to her house which was now empty and packed up, ready for her to leave.

She drove to his house, her mind not really concentrating on anything in particular and pulled up outside to see the house still in darkness except for one room.

She walked up to the door and knocked on it, hearing no answer or movement she tried the handle and was surprised to find it open.

She walked in slowly, not wanting to make it look like she was intruding but still slightly worried. She walked further in to find him sat on his living room floor, magnifying glass in one hand, a bug on the table next to an open textbook, his attention entirely on studying the creature entirely. She leaned against the nearest wall and simply watched him for a moment.

She finally spoke, not wanting to break his concentration but not wanting him to turn around and find her watching him.

"I was only in the car for ten minutes and you've already traded me in for a bug" she teased, almost laughing aloud as he turned around and realised she was in his house. "Door was open and you weren't answering, sorry about just coming in" she both apologised and explained.

Grissom stood up quickly, "No, no it's fine, sorry I didn't hear you."

Sara looked at him carefully, he didn't look or sound like himself, he seemed more nervous, and ... just different.

"Grissom, please, don't act strange, don't make it feel like we're saying goodbye."

"Sara," he moved closer "just you being here seems strange in a small way, thing's are altering, we are saying goodbye, I don't wanna waste anytime on small talk."

He leaned down and kissed her again, this time Sara had placed one hand on the back of his head and pulled him closer deepening the kiss. Grissom didn't react for a moment from shock before he relaxed into their kiss. Everything he seemed to do sent shivers down her spine and warmth tingling right down to the end of her fingertips, she ran her hands through his hair as he pulled her closer by placing his hands on the small of her back.

As the need for oxygen overcame them both they pulled back and rested their foreheads against each other gasping slightly.

"Well, that was a surprise" Grissom commented. Sara simply smiled at him and allowed him to lead her to the sofa and sat down, cuddling into him.

Her leaving seemed to have got them both over the boundaries they had felt before and any fears of intimacy, they hadn't had a proper date or anything, all they'd done was kiss and already they felt perfectly at ease with each other and like they had been together forever.

For a while they sat in silence, Grissom stroking her hair and entwining his hand in it, before speaking about nothing of any great importance, just talking and laughing.

They lapsed into peaceful silence again, Sara looked up at Grissom for a moment, considering something, Grissom looked down and smiled gently at her, as she smiled back she spoke and seemed to make up her mind.

She stood up and held a hand out to Grissom, "I know you wouldn't have asked or expected it, but ... share a bed with me for my last night?"

Grissom looked confused for a moment, he took her hand and stood up but stopped her leading him away.

"Sara..." he paused as he realised he didn't know what to say. Sara interrupted.

"Grissom, I'm sure, this is what I want, it'll be the perfect goodbye" she lent forward and pressed her lips to his.

He finally nodded and pulled her close, he ran his hands through her hair and rested them on her cheeks, her lent forward and captured her lips in a gentle kiss, he slid his hands down her arms and took both her hands in his, never breaking the kiss he pulled her towards his bedroom.

As they entered he stopped and looked at her, she nodded again silently and smiled at him slightly, he walked closer and gently tugged her top over her head dropping it to the floor before she pulled his shirt off, threw it behind him and ran both hands through his hair pulling him into another kiss, he wrapped his arms around her and gently walked her to the bed, tumbling them both gently onto it.


	3. Leaving

_One problem with basing this on an idea I had for a story, they're totally separate but I still keep mixing them up, thinking I've said certain things when I haven't, so if anything seems out of place that's probably the reason. Please review, let me know what you're thinking. Let me know what you think about both the Sara section and the Grissom section._

* * *

Sara had been right, it truly had been the perfect goodbye. She had woken up before Grissom to find herself in his arms and feeling content. She sighed as she realised that she couldn't stay there. She turned over and watched him for a moment, his calm breathing soothing her nerves.

She leaned closer and gently placed a light kiss on his forehead, she laid her palm against his cheek and whispered softly. "I love you. I'm sorry" and as she whispered the final word a single tear rolled down a pale cheek.

She regretfully eased herself gently out of his embrace and padded about his bedroom finding the clothes she had worn the night before, with one last longing glance at the figure still on the bed she walked out of the bedroom.

She went quietly to the door and unlocked it, slipping out, locking the door and pushing the keys back through the letter box where they landed gently on his mat.

She walked towards her car, head up, determined not to think about what she had just done or what she was about to do.

Carefully organising her thoughts to only deal with the necessities she drove to her own house and picked up her suitcases and boxes and placed them all in the car.

She sat in the car, hands on the steering wheel, and allowed herself a moment of sadness, to let the memories of last night flow over her, it had been everything she'd ever dreamed off and more, it's hadn't been just sex, it had been more than that, it had been them both finally giving in to everything they'd felt over the years and letting it come to the surface. It felt right, like it had always meant to be, and now she was about to walk away from it all, from that perfect feeling of happiness.

She suddenly knew that if she thought anymore she couldn't do it and she needed to, she turned the key in the ignition and forced her mind only onto focusing on the driving, she knew where she was meeting the people organising it all, as she drove there she had to pass in the same direction as Grissom's house.

As she passed it she didn't look back in the mirror to see it slowly shrink away, instead she looked straight on, towards the road, towards the rendez-vous and towards her new life.

Away from the only chance at a home she'd ever found.

* * *

Grissom awoke and before he'd even opened his eyes he knew something was wrong. He'd fallen asleep with Sara in his arms, everything had seemed right, like it had always meant to be, not his arms were empty, the only weight on the bed was his, the only clothes strewn about the room would be his, his heart was already slowly breaking.

He opened his eyes knowing what he would see. He was right, Sara's clothes were gone, the only sign she had ever been there was a small turned up corner of the quilt and a slight dint remaining in his pillow, he reached across to where she had been. It was still warm.

She hadn't been gone long and yet he would still never see her again, he had glimpsed true happiness but the door it to had been shut before it had actually opened. Maybe that was why they had finally given in, it was there last chance, they knew the relationship was doomed, and finally the essence of not knowing had gone out of the picture, the future for them had been clear, and it had been bleak and painful.

Maybe in an attempt to fight that darkness, to prove that they would've had a chance, to allow themselves to know, for once in their lives the future of something was certain and it had still been worth the risk and pain. All the time they had wasted he now cursed, they could've had years together and instead they'd been granted mere hours.

He reached across to the pillow she had been sleeping on and pulled it closer, curling his arms around it tightly, breathing in her scent, the only form of comfort available and he knew she was gone. She wasn't coming back.

* * *

He had soon hauled himself out of bed and dressed without even realising what he was pulling on. He wandered bare-foot round the house, not noticing how cold the floor was on his feet, he spotted the keys on the mat and smiled sadly before picking them up and leaving them on the table.

Eventually he found himself at the window, staring outside as the rain ran slowly down the pane. He found himself thinking about the previous night, recalling each precise detail in a way he knew would be ingrained on his mind forever, never to be forgotten, the play of the moonlight on her features through a slit in the curtain, her eyes showing everything tiny thing she felt, the feeling of kissing her, the way she seemed to fit perfectly into his embrace like she belonged there, the sound of her gently breathing as she fell asleep.

He stared at the empty road, barely noticing as a car drove down, he watched it idly without paying much attention to it before realising it was Sara's.

He pressed his palm against the pane of glass and moved closer to it, staring intently out of the window, as though she might sense him even through the glass, he saw her stare determinedly onwards and not glance in as she passed.

He fought down all his urges to run outside and catch her up, to run up to her car and go with her, to live her new life with her, she'd left that morning for a reason, she needed to. No matter how perfect the night before may have been there were still problems in the relationship that just couldn't go away, nobody could make him younger or her older, the age difference couldn't change, a lifetime of habits through living alone and little interaction couldn't be erased in one night, no, now she had a chance to find someone her own age who she could care about and have the family he knew she desperately craved without her even knowing.

Though it may pain him to let her be with someone else, the thought that she would be happy outweighed it all. If she had wanted him to come she would've asked him that morning or last night, she wouldn't have flitted away silently.

Instead he watched her car drive away steadily, moving further and further away until it was just a spot in the distance and then disappeared altogether, taking with the only chance at true happiness he's ever found.


	4. Missing Her

_OK, the compulsory boohoo Sara's gone chapter and then we can get to where we're going with this. Will try and update it again soon, tried to write the next chapter a few times and it's just not coming out like I want it to and even when it comes out ok I've no idea where I'm taking it and any ideas I come up with just don't fit, so it's been problematic but will still try and update soon. Sorry this chapters so stupidly short but needed something to break up the story a bit._

_Ok, seriously short but writing the rest tonight. Me being the extremely clever person that I am managed to write an amazing next chapter that I was actually happy with, then went and deleted it before I could post it as wrote it right after this one and can't remember what it said at all, not even a tiny little phrase of it. Did I mention I have an incredible memory? But will try and redo it and then post it soon._

* * *

Every member of the team had noticed the fact that Sara was gone and all were pulling more cases and working even harder as a result. They all knew that Grissom was reluctant to hire someone knew and they all knew that he was taking Sara's leaving badly but none knew how badly.

Even Catherine didn't know that anything had happened between them before Sara had left, but she felt Grissom retreat even more. She assumed that it had finally sunk in that she had actually gone, she had been well aware of just how much Grissom cared for Sara, and knew that a decent amount of flirting had passed between them, she assumed he was mourning the possibility of it now leading to anything.

Grissom knew he was pulling back but couldn't help it. He needed to just to cope with the extra work load, he hadn't realised quite how mcuh work Sara did without her even pulling overtime, but he didn't want to hire a new member, it would feel as though he was trying to replace Sara, which he wasn't and never could but still felt like it was betrayal of some sort.

Like not leaving the place open for her was like he was saying that he wouldn't welcome her back if she ever did manage to return.

But he was also caring less and less about the things he was doing, what he was eating, what the rest of the team were up to, they'd tried getting him to go out with them a few times but it'd never worked, Catherine had even tried calling in all the favours she was owed and doing some top-notch flirting to try and get him Sara's phone number, but anybody who knew anything was staying tight-lipped about it and wasn't giving her so much as the state that she was in.

No one could think of a way to bring him out, instead all they could do was wait for him to grieve or whatever he was doing and then help him when he came out the other side.

But no-one had ever realised quite how much Sara brought to the team, how she managed to fill awkward silences with some irrelevant point, or how when they were on a case with her, her passion seemed to be imparted into them as well and they found themselves with more drive to solve the case, even Hodges found himself noticing and been slightly saddened by her absence.

All of the team wanted her to return but knew that there was no chance she ever could.


	5. Dreamless Sleep

_OK, slightly longer chapter, please review both this chapter and the chapter before instead of just this one if you can be bothered, understand if you don't want to or can't be bothered. Totally not like the last chapter I wrote but just having another bridging chapter._

_BTW sorry about the ending of this chapter, please don't kill me for it. _

* * *

Grissom glanced at the sky as he worked, he could see a storm coming, Vegas didn't cope well in storms, it wasn't built for rain. He just hoped that they could get all the evidence before it was washed away, getting evidence was still about all he cared properly about, but he was very slowly returning to himself, one step at a time.

He glanced about at Nick and Catherine who were working the case with him, about to tell them to make sure they got everything quickly and saw Nick glance up at the sky and notice and Catherine was already working faster than her normal speed.

He fell back to silence and carried on examining and retrieving the evidence around him, the camera around his neck.

He stood up to ease his knees for a moment and glanced out into the crowd gathered behind the yellow tape. His breath stuck in his throat as he caught sight of a brunette, he looked more closely but couldn't make out enough details. He walked in that direction, knowing it couldn't be Sara but still hoping that it was, every fibre of his being seemed to be trying to reach out and find her. Catherine glanced up and caught sight of his eyeline, she stood up and walked towards the spot he was aiming towards.

Grissom got closer to the tape and as he did he could begin to make out details. Yes the woman was a brunette, but not the brunette he was searching for. Her features were different, her eyes green, her skin slightly paler, her lips slightly redder. There was no denying she was beautiful but he barely seemed to notice this fact, he only noticed the way her hair fell around her cheeks was similar to the way Sara's had, that her eyes still had the golden fleck in that Sara's had, that he was still nowhere near getting over Sara, and that he still didn't want to.

He wanted to remember that night, to kid himself that it could happen again, that Sara would come back or that he could find her and they could have the happy ever after fairy tale ending, that he could be both her lover and her breast friend, that he could grow old with her, complain that nothing was as good as when they were growing up with her, to prove to her everyday that he loved her just as much if not more than he always had.

He glanced back at the ground, disappointed yet again when he realised that Sara hadn't appeared back in Vegas and that it was just another random stranger.

He noticed Catherine approaching.

"Not now Catherine, I'm not in the mood, you can lecture me when we get back to the lab when it isn't about to rain over our heads and wash our evidence away."

Catherine paused mid-step from shock. "Ok, I'll talk to you later tonight instead" she replied quietly before returning to the scene.

* * *

They had returned to the lab and when the shift had ended Catherine had sent him home despite the fact that her and Nick were still working on the case.

Reluctantly he had finally been persuaded to leave the lab and get some sleep before returning the following night.

He had got home and eaten ... something ... he hadn't noticed what he was eating other than the fact that it was food and had gone to bed and lain staring at the ceiling.

Eventually he nodded off without realising into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

He awoke to the sound of knocking on his door, he glanced across at his clock he had been asleep for less than 3 hours. He groaned and pushed the covers aside, he had finally had an untroubled nights sleep for the first time since Sara left and Catherine had woken him up. She had probably called around as she had finished and was going to lecture him now or they needed him back on the case if they'd found anything to do with bugs or insects.

He padded silently to the door in his baggy shorts and old T-shirt.

Eyes still half shut as the lights blinded him in his exhausted state he fumbled with the door keys until the door swung open.


	6. Rain

The door finally opened enough for him to see outside and he felt all the breath leave his body in one movement and it was all he could do to hold himself upright.

Outside on the doorstep, in the pouring rain, hair falling bedraggled around her shoulders was Sara Sidle. The woman he had been longing for since he had met her, been given one night with her before she swept away never to be seen again.

He looked at her carefully, partly making sure it was her and not his mind playing tricks on him again.

It was Sara.

Her eyes looked haunted, her skin pale, her hair limp and lifeless, her shoulders hunched, and yet he still thought her the most beautiful creature he had ever seen and that the world would ever see. They simply stood staring at each other for a moment before she spoke and when she did her voice was low and pained.

"They found me" she stated simply.

Grissom didn't need to hear anything else he stepped out into the rain and held her as though he'd never let go. He didn't care that he was getting wet, he barely noticed as she returned the embrace with all of her strength, clinging tightly to him for support and strength, eventually he pulled away.

He placed his hands on her shoulders and looked at her carefully, noticing the slight blue tinge to her lips and her subconscious shivering.

Without a word he pulled her inside, she followed him in silently.

He walked her through to his bedroom and sat her on the bed, rummaging through his drawers finding her and old T-shirt and some pyjama bottoms she could wear. He lay them next to her on the bed, placed a hand on the back of her head, kissed her forehead lightly before walking back into the kitchen.

He came back clutching a hot water bottle and a mug and saw her sat on the bed fumbling with the hem of her T-shirt, her numb hands unable to grasp it enough to pull it off, he hurried to her side and after placing the mug on the table took her hands in his. He held them as he tried to rub some warmth back into them.

He glanced at her body and saw she was still shivering, his eyes had been intent upon hers. Tenderly he reached down to the hem of her T-shirt and lifted it over her head, he glanced at her straps and realised that even her underwear was soaked through. He shook out his old T-shirt and pulled it over her head. He turned her slightly so that she was facing away from him and undid her bra strap, flinging the wet item onto the floor on top of her T-shirt. He rubbed some warmth into her arms and held her carefully, supporting her as he pulled her into a standing position. Shaking out his pyjama bottoms he placed them on the bed next to her before silently and respectfully unbuttoning her jeans and pulling them over her hips, his old T-shirt barely keeping her decent. He helped her step into his old bottoms before walking her up to the top of the bed. While still supporting her he flicked back the covers and lay her down on the bed, seeing her curl up into a ball to try and retain the little heat she had.

He handed her the hot-water bottle which she immediately clung onto before ensuring that the covers were tucked around her and walking out of the room. She could hear him relocking the door, switching off the lights, walking into the bedroom and changing, switching off the bedroom light, plunging them both into darkness and climb into the other side of the bed.

She heard him seem to contemplate what to do next before she felt a cautious arm circle around her waist and draw her closer, willingly she moved closer and pressed her body against him, pressing her frozen toes to his feet and wrapping her arms around his.

Laying there silently she began to feel safe again and the images that had been haunting her began to fade, eventually her eyes began to droop and her breathing became slow and even as she fell to sleep still wrapped in his warm embrace.


	7. Tell me everything

_OK, maybe a little bit overdramatic but nm hey? look at the fluffy side of it instead_

* * *

Grissom awoke and for a second seemed to relive the night when Sara had left and felt a cold fear grip his heart for heart for fear she had left again, dimly his confused mind registered a steady breathing and his arms rising and falling slightly, in time with the breathing and he became of the body his arms were wrapped around and opened his eyes to see Sara, still asleep and wrapped in his arms.

He squeezed her tightly for a moment, as though convincing himself she were really there before relaxing again and simply holding her gently, aware of her arm resting on top of his.

He lost track of how long he lay there with her silently, he hadn't been asleep that long but felt refreshed and felt alive again and knew it was because Sara had returned to him, he simply lay there with her, listening to her breathing, thinking about what he needed to tell her when she woke up, what he could make her for breakfast, if she'd want a drawer, which drawer he should clear out for her. Things he had barely thought about before, clearing drawers out was what other people did, he'd never done it, but there again he had never worried about what to make someone for breakfast before either.

He became aware of her murmuring something and sat up slightly to look at her face and saw she was still asleep, her eyes roving wildly, getting distressed, trying to turn away and rolling in his arms, she suddenly awoke as her eyes flew open with a gasp before breathing heavily and turning to him and sitting up.

She saw him and suddenly grabbed hold of his shirt and clung to it, sobbing into his chest, he placed his arms around her and held her close, rocking her softly, murmuring bits of nothing in her ear until she calmed down. He'd never been good at comforting people, unable to simply be there and always saying the wrong thing if he said anything, but with Sara it seemed natural, almost instinctive, he knew how to console her and to calm her down, and barely realised that it was second nature to him already.

Eventually the sobs subsided and she glanced up at him with her tear-stained face.

She lay back down, pulling him with her and pulled his arms back around her, laying spoon-fashion together. Grissom moved his head closer so that he could speak quietly and she could hear, but before he could say anything she spoke.

"It was horrible. I couldn't do anything, I normally hate the fact that I get there too late to do anything, but been there at the time doesn't make it any better, you can't alter things, it only makes them worse." She paused for breath but seemed unable to find words to resume with. Grissom squeezed her again for a moment reassuring.

"Tell me everything."

And surprisingly she did.

She told him plainly and didn't try to hide from him when she was scared, when she was relieved, when she'd been lost and hadn't known what to do, how when she'd been lost the only option there seemed to be was to come back and see him.

She told him how the family and slowly been tracking down all the other witnesses in the order they'd appeared in the trial and that the feds were always on-step behind and that they'd warned her that they knew where she was. That there had been no point in running as they would just follow her, she had seen how little faith they had that they would get caught before they got Sara, how they'd almost recruited her when she noticed evidence they left when they'd been outside her new apartment.

The tears ran freely and she didn't try to hide them as she told Grissom about how they'd come bursting into the house one night, when the FBI were nearby but not ready, how one of them had had her on the floor holding a knife to her throat when the man had been shot, how he'd collapsed on top of her and she hadn't been able to lift him, the knife still lying cold against her chest, simply laying waiting for somebody to pull him off her and help her up.

She had told him everything on the surface, but everything else lay below the surface heard by both but spoken by neither.

That while she'd felt lost and helpless and knew that while going away had apparently been going to save her life, it wasn't a life worth saving if she couldn't see the team everyday and Grissom wasn't there with her, she'd glimpsed a life with him and now the prospect of a life without him was no life.

It was like all the colour had been sucked from the world, leaving her seeing only greys, like any food she ate might as well have been cardboard for what she could taste.

She wouldn't have been able to put it into words anyway.

He simply held her quietly and was there for her, nothing needed saying and there was in fact nothing he could say.

Instead he lay there with her until she had regained enough strength to move and truth be told would've been happy for her to stay there in his arms forever.


End file.
